In Conversation with Miss Amber, an SG-based, Professional Dominatrix

Aug 19

An interview with Miss Amber Lush, a Singapore-based, professional dominatrix, about her sexual awakenings and her practice. Originally published in our first print zine, June 2020.

Update: I read this article by Vice Asia about how a BDSM-focused workshop organised by TFreedom, was cancelled after public outrage, I feel like there is no better time to publish this interview.

There are many things about Singapore that illicit drastically polarising views from its citizens. Things like — is it acceptable to wear jeans and flip flops in public? Should we put pineapples on pizza? How many pearls do you like in your bubble tea? But, the one thing that most young Singaporeans agree on is that the sex education system in Singapore is trash and the general attitude towards sex is highly conservative. Things have been changing, but there is still widespread misinformation about sex and sexual health, and negative stigmas towards sexually active individuals and sex workers.

So it came as a surprise to me when I stumbled upon the local kink scene. There was no doubt in my mind that Singaporeans were aware of kink (ahem, 50 Shades of Grey), but given our societal attitudes towards even vanilla sex, made me assume that there was no space for a scene. But there is. Some people reading this may be confused. What does that mean? What even is kink? What, what, what? Let’s dive right in and find out. Amber is in her mid-30s and works full time as a professional dominatrix. She began her pro-domme journey around ten years ago, and it initially was a once-a-month side hustle, and it eventually evolved into a full-time career.

B: So for the people who don't know much about BDSM — what is a pro-domme and what exactly do you do?

A: My main job is helping to fulfil fantasies that my clientele have had for a long time. I craft very individualized sessions that cater to whatever kinks they may have. Through these sessions, I have clients who tell me that they discover a lot of things about themselves.

B: So, how old were you when you first heard of or saw anything kink-related?

A: I was 16. I first discovered about kink from an ex-boyfriend. I stumbled upon his porn collection. (laughs) At that time, I was still quite innocent. He liked hentai a lot. I think one of the first images that I looked at was tentacle porn. (laughs) At that time, it was just so out of this world to me. But, it was more interesting than disgusting. After that, when we were fooling around in the bedroom, he got a little bit rough. And I thought, ‘oh wow, this feels really good!’ (laughs) Back then, the internet was so slow. We were still using a dial-up modem. I stumbled upon this website of a BDSM club in the UK. It was mostly text but I remember poring over the entire text, learning all about this club. It was just so out of this world to me that such an establishment could exist. It’s unheard of in Singapore. I discovered that it was called BDSM.

B: So it’s been a long time since you’ve been aware of this scene. Singapore has a local BDSM scene. Obviously, it’s not very big, because Singaporeans are more ‘behind closed doors’ kinda people. How long have you openly been on the scene?

A: I attended my first proper munch when I was 21. I met someone who was a regular attendee. He brought me along. I became more active in the scene when I was 25. I was brought up religious. You spent your whole life thinking premarital sex was very taboo. I was in my mid-twenties when I finally got over that and decided to throw myself into this. The turning point for me was after I ‘lost’ my virginity. From there, I was like, ‘Well, what’s the point, right?’

B: (laughs) I feel like we’re very similar in that. So, what was your impression of the local scene?

A: I was very intimidated. I was very young, and everyone was everyone seemed to be so experienced. In those days, that group was a lot older than it is right now. Everyone was at least 10 years my senior. I remember being invited to private play parties at a time, and just being scared out of my mind. Even though, in retrospect, what they were doing was very light At that time, I was like ‘Oh my God!’ (laughs) Back then the scene was led by an English man. The main kink in those days was M/S [Master/Slave] relationships. He only allowed couples or single women to the parties, because he didn’t want single men around. It was mainly male dom and female sub. A lot of just restraints, impact play. But, for me at that time, even putting on a collar in public was a huge thing So, it was very eye-opening.

A: Very little sex takes place at BDSM parties. It focuses on the kink itself. There would be some interplay between couples. It would be sexual, but there wouldn’t be intercourse. Most of the time, it was the men who were clothed and the women are the ones in a skimpy outfit, using toys and that kind of thing.

B: So, when did you discover that you prefer dominating others, rather than wanting to be a sub?

A: I’m a switch. I actually started out submitting. I felt like being in control of a scene is a very big responsibility. I didn’t dare to domme someone until I had the skills, the techniques, the toys. It took me a few years to even get comfortable enough to try. I think the first time I dominated somebody was about 10 years ago, and it went quite well. I’ve really grown a lot in that aspect in the past four years. I still enjoy submission a lot with my partner. He’s the only person I submit to now. (laughs)

B: That’s actually really sweet (laughs). Did you meet him in the scene, or did you know him first, and then you discovered that you guys have this thing in common?

A: I met him in the scene actually. I used to be married to my dom for 10 years. This was the same guy who brought me to the munch when I was 21. I was in a Master/Slave relationship. And we decided to open up a relationship a number of years into it. My current boyfriend is actually someone that I was seeing when we were polyamorous. My current boyfriend and I aren’t polyamorous. We’re still in an open relationship, but we don’t date others. We play with people together. I think the sentence ‘we play with other people, but we don’t date others’ is very difficult for someone who doesn’t understand the concept of ‘play’.

B: Yeah, they’d be confused and maybe ask, ‘playing what?’ (laughs) So, client-wise, can you tell me about the oldest client that you’ve ever had?

A: I actually had a client who was in his seventies. (laughs) He was actually a very experienced kinkster. He asked to be pushed a lot. And I was terrified that I’d kill him or something! (laughs) At the time, I was doing this with my pro-domme partner. He didn’t tell us beforehand that he had a pacemaker. It was only because the room was silent because we were doing our negotiations. We hadn’t turned the music on, which we usually do. Every time it fell silent, we would hear this ‘tick, tick’. (laughs)

Finally, we asked him, ‘what’s that sound?’ and he said it was his pacemaker. Like, did you not think to mention it? Because I could’ve used electricity on you!

B: My god, that’s scary. For people who are interested in BDSM but they don’t know where to start, what kind of advice do you have for them?

A: I would recommend starting from reading up. It would be good for people to be a little bit more informed. Jumping into the munches and trying to initiate play without knowledge about what to do, what are the do’s and don’t’s, is like jumping into the dead-end without knowing how to swim. shops. Educate yourself first.

"Even in sessions, half the time, I have my fingers up the guy’s arsehole."

B: If somebody wanted to be a pro-domme like you, would you encourage them? And how would you recommend they start that journey?

A: First of all, yes, I would recommend it. think it is a very viable career choice. But it is not a glamorous one. The kind of image that we portray in the world is one that’s very polished, and very refined. But you have to understand that the amount of hard work and not-so-nice looking things that have gone into creating that image. Learning skills, buying equipment all takes time and money. Even in sessions, half the time, I have my fingers up the guy’s arsehole (laughs). It’s not a job where you just sit there, give orders and have your feet rubbed. It is backbreaking work.

I wouldn’t recommend it as something you do in between jobs, or for six months after your studies finished, before you start your next job. Because then, they’re unsafe. The sessions are not satisfactory.

But for those who are serious and really want to pursue it as a viable career option, or even as a side hustle - why not? Just go for it!

Check out these links if you're interested in booking a session with her, or if you want to subscribe to her OnlyFans! We would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Miss Amber and her partner on recently tying the knot. We wish you a wonderful, fruitful and harmonious marriage.